Mary Shares Her Cancer Diary - Part One: Diagnosis

A note from Mary

Before you read this blog I feel the need to tell you a little about myself, hopefully it will help you understand me and my Cancer Journey. Up to a few years ago I suffered debilitating migraines on a regular basis. I relied on painkillers to help me get through. Then I joined Peak Fitness and took control of my health and wellbeing.

I no longer pop pain killers. In fact, before the cancer treatment I wouldn’t be able to tell you when I last took any drugs. Now you will find me reaching for my running shoes or my yoga mat instead. I regularly see a homeopath and have a much more holistic approach to my health.

I never thought I would be diagnosed with cancer, and if I did, I wouldn’t take the medical path. But when I was diagnosed, I never once questioned what I should do - I knew that to fight this parasite growing inside me I needed all the medical help available. Several friends have voiced their surprise at the Journey I have taken and asked why. The answer is always the same - “Because I want to LIVE”.

Don’t feel afraid to listen to every piece of advice you can get but remember, it’s your journey, no one else’s. You need to feel comfortable with your decisions it doesn’t matter if others don’t feel the same. Listen to your body, and do what feels right for you. xx

21st December 2015

Had a great session at the gym this morning completed another PB - 25 full press ups with no rest – YAY! Had a shower after work and caught sight of myself in the mirror – something wasn’t quite right. My left nipple looked different, and I ignored it at first, but then decided I should compare both breasts and yes, there is a lump. I must admit I don’t examine myself as regularly as I should, but I don’t think it was there a month ago, and I know it wasn’t there in August when I had a full check with my GP. I couldn’t ignore it - there is a definite lump and the nipple is slightly indented somehow. I’ll ring the doctors in the morning for an appointment.

22nd December 2015

Rang the doctors this morning, and the receptionist didn’t seem too worried. The first appointment I can get is for Thursday - Christmas Eve!! I’m not going to worry about it, I’m sure it’s just another fibrous lump, like the one I had removed in my 20s. I’ve decided not to tell Peter as he will only worry.

24th December 2015

Told Peter about the doctor’s appointment as he asked what I was doing today, so I told him it was probably nothing to worry about. When I saw the doctor this morning, she seemed slightly miffed that the receptionist hadn’t found me an appointment sooner, particularly as the earliest available mammogram she could book me for is the 5thJanuary 2016, as everyone is closed for the Christmas and New Year break.

I asked her if she thought it could be a fibrous lump and she said possibly. I wanted to believe it, but something in the way she answered me made me doubt my self-diagnosis, although how can it be anything nasty? I have just achieved a number of PBs at the gym everyone keeps telling me how healthy and glowing I look; surely it’s just a fibrous lump. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now, just have to enjoy the holidays with Peter and Sara.

5th January 2016

Went for my mammogram – first one in a number of years, I hate how painful it is. Sara’s on school holidays, so she came with me which helped to take my mind off things. The technician was lovely, and assured me that if it’s done properly it shouldn’t hurt, and you know what? She was right. It wasn’t pleasant, and I wouldn’t want to be doing them every week, but it wasn’t as bad as I remembered. I was then asked to wait to see the doctor. Not surprisingly I was beginning to feel pretty nervous, but wanted to stay positive for Sara.

The doctor wanted me to come back in on Thursday and have some biopsies done. He wants to take a sample of the lump and also some calcifications that I have in my breast - apparently this can be a pre-cancer sign. So the appointment has been made, he changed his plans and the technicians’ (they aren’t supposed to be in Silverdale on Thursday) so there isn’t a long delay. I’m a little more subdued this evening. The reality is sinking in that I may have breast cancer, but it’s not definite so I’m not going to worry about it too much, and if it is we will deal with it.

7th January 2016

So I had my needle biopsies today – Caroline came with me this time, she’s such a caring friend. The doctor was fabulous and talked me through everything. I like to know what is going on. Once he had taken a sample of the lump itself he wanted samples of the calcifications – a little more difficult to do. Once he’d confirmed he’d got them I was able to get dressed and go home. He would send the samples off and the results should be back in about five working days. I am not allowed to swim or bathe for a week or so until the holes have healed as there is a high risk of infection. I’m having the day off tomorrow to rest, my breast is a feeling a bit bruised.

10th January 2016

Have had a great family weekend away in the horse truck to make the most of the beautiful weather we are having, and to take our minds off waiting for the results. My breast is a little tender from the biopsies but other than that I’m feeling good. Apparently Sara’s boyfriend asked her why I couldn’t go swimming – we were at the Mount after all. She told him I had had some tests and that there was a risk of infection. Peter and I are staying positive - if I am diagnosed with breast cancer we know we can get through it, and of course we still have fingers crossed that I won’t be!

12th January 2016

I had a phone call from the doctor’s surgery this morning to tell me they had my results and the doctor needed to see me. My heart sank. Never good news if you have to see the doctor, particularly when they move other patients around so you can go straight in. Peter came with me, we both had a sense of foreboding and just wanted to get it over with. I didn’t want to go to that appointment, because I knew it would make everything different, and I didn’t want that. But here I was sitting in the surgery waiting for Niamh, my doctor, to tell me – “You have stage two breast cancer”.

Peter was fabulous, but me? Well, I burst into tears, and for some reason I kept apologising - was there any other response than tears? I don’t think so. It was a release of the tension that I had been carrying around since the mammogram. I got myself together again to ask what now? Fortunately, we still had medical insurance, we had talked about cancelling it, but in the end we hadn’t. Niamh wanted me to see a breast surgeon ASAP, so we booked an appointment for Thursday 14th January at the Auckland Breast Centre.

Peter and I drove home in shock, I had a cup of tea with him then told him I was going to work. I feel terrible now that I left Peter alone to deal with the shock, but I needed to get back to normality and work was normal. I did have to pullover half way, I just needed to let it out, and had a good cry which made me feel much better.

I got into work and got busy. Jake popped in to sign off some timesheets and asked if I was ok and I said yes, fine thanks, but he obviously wasn’t convinced and asked if I was sure. So I said “well actually Jake, I’ve just had the biggest kick in the guts I could have, I have just been told I have breast cancer”. I don’t know if it was actually putting it into words or the look on his face, but I had to get out of the office before I burst into tears; I wasn’t ready for everyone to know. Jake was fabulous, he followed me out of the office and gave me a big hug and told me I would be fine. I know he is right, I will be fine, I believe you never get dealt something in life that you can’t deal with - I just need to stay positive and strong. Jake’s second response - he couldn’t believe that I had cancer, I am fit and healthy, never smoked and very rarely drink. We had a little laugh as he said that’s maybe where I had gone wrong.

I have decided it’s not the telling that’s the difficult part, it’s the look on people’s faces when they hear that dreadful word – Cancer - and yes it is a capital ‘C’. Peter had the most difficult job – he rang my parents at home in the UK. It must have been a dreadful shock for them as they were asleep (it was midnight there). Not surprisingly my mum was in a terrible state, and Peter asked them to come over. I think Peter needs the support as much if not more than I do. I will Skype them once I have spoken to the breast surgeon.

Sara hasn’t really said much, although she wants to cancel her trip to Brisbane with the girls from school. Peter and I both feel that she shouldn’t cancel, she has been looking forward to it for months. We want to carry on as normal, I am going to be fine.